Companioning vs Treatment Model
When I first heard the word companioning, I pictured the caring members of a church who visited those unable to attend services because of illness or age. They might bring communion, share a cup of coffee, listen to stories, and simply spend time with someone who was feeling isolated. There was no agenda. No attempt to fix anything. Just a willingness to show up and be present.
When I discovered Dr. Alan Wolfelt's philosophy of Companioning, I immediately recognized something important within it. He developed this approach as a way of responding to people who are grieving—not by treating grief as a problem to solve, but by honoring it as a deeply human experience that deserves witness, compassion, and companionship.
As a trained psychotherapist, I had spent many years working within systems that often required a diagnosis, treatment plans, measurable goals, and timelines for improvement. There is value in those approaches, and they serve many people well. Yet when suicide entered my own life through the deaths of my loved ones, I discovered that grief did not fit neatly into a treatment plan with time constraints.
I was not looking for someone to tell me how to heal or how long healing should take. I needed someone who could sit with me in the uncertainty. Someone who could tolerate the questions that had no answers. Someone who understood that some wounds are not "fixed" but gradually woven into the story of our lives.
That is what attracted me to companioning.
As both a suicide loss survivor and a helping professional, I came to understand that grief is not a condition to overcome. It is a journey to be lived. The role of a companion is not to lead from the front, but to walk alongside.
In companioning, I believe:
You are the expert on your own grief and your own relationship with the person who died.
Your emotions, thoughts, questions, and experiences are welcome without judgment.
Shock, denial, confusion, anger, guilt, and longing are not signs of failure; they are often natural responses to profound loss.
The search for meaning deserves patience and respect. There is no timetable for understanding.
Some questions may never be fully answered, yet they still deserve to be spoken aloud.
Healing does not mean forgetting. It means learning how to carry both love and loss forward.
Companioning invites us to move away from the idea that grief must be managed or completed. Instead, it offers something quieter and, perhaps, more healing: the experience of being deeply heard, deeply respected, and not having to walk this difficult road alone.
If you feel drawn to the Companioning model of support, I would be honored to walk beside you for awhile as you navigate the wilderness of your suicide loss. Schedule a Conversation
I wish you peace,
Janice
Reference:
Wolfelt, Alan. D. (2005). Companioning the Bereaved: A Soulful Guide for Caregivers. Companion Press.
